In Grey's Anatomy, Meredith once mentioned, "People have scars. In all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret roadmaps of their personal histories. Diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don't. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers. What's worse, new wounds which are so horribly painful or old wounds that should've healed years ago and never did? Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we've been and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That's what we like to think. But that's not the way it is, is it? Some things we just have to learn over and over and over again."

I am just wondering how can I circle around these dark and twisted turns over and over again, and still can't find the exit of them. The Scar left by the first cut is incredibly deep and painful, but it doesn’t mean I should carry it all the way along. It doesn't really remind me the lesson I should have learned, but does lead me to make the same stupid mistake again and again. Sometime before I thought the best way to heal the pain was to grow up, being a real adult. Sometime before I thought the best way to cover the scar was to change, being another me. Sometime before I thought the best way to forget the wound was to escape, to the strange city I have never known.

But is it 100% true? If I live by the lines I draw, will I lead a everlasting-happy life? No, definitely not...... I have met some old frds since I came back.... We hanged out, we talked, we shared experience together. I stunningly found they share one common point. Though they may changed a hair-style, or they may involve in a new relationship, or they may own a car now, their inside world never change. They will still be outrageous if someone crosses their lines. They are still making their commitment come true no matter how hard it is. They are still loyal and faithful, treating each other as a friend always should be. They are still optimistic and hopeful, no matter how ugly the life is. At first, I was confused whether it's pathetic for them or me, whether it's time for people to change the way looking at the world. At last, I know I was wrong, totally...totally wrong. Friends are not just friends. They act like hundreds of mirrors reflecting the original me, the authentic one. I covered my eyes refusing to see the spectacular scene from the world. I turned around and walked away just to ignore that tiny and unworthy cut should have gone long long ago. I didn't realize I missed so many priceless things. I didn't realize I left so many friends behind, the friends who always care about me, the friends who always stand by my side when I am in blues, the friends who always protect me but somehow I didn't know that.

Some person will never change. They will still hurt you wherever, still betray you whatever, still deny themselves whenever....And I am already getting sick of these fake stuff, getting sick of the tricks they play, getting sick of the game they design. I am not going to change myself simply due to the stupid and unworthy one. Someone said. "You should still trust, trust love, trust commitment, trust future but just never trust that the one betrayed you can make your dream come true." Yes, he is right. The cut is there for years. It won't be too long to recover if nobody touches it. Time will tell when it is over. And I will learn to bless the carefree life from then on...

PS: For the stupid TEM(Test of English Major) Band 8, I must practise writing sth. in  English. So I just wanna find some space to place my work.....